Fatherhood

RAISING A DAD – 23 October 2013

It’s a…

We decided a few weeks ago that we wanted to know the baby’s gender when we had the three month scan.

Today was that day and we’re having a boy!

I’m very excited by this news…now before I’m branded a sexist or subjected to a public shaming on twitter, let me explain.

I’m one of three brothers. I love my brothers and I love being a big brother.

Brothers is all I really know.

I recognise how amazing a daddy/daughter relationship can be, but I don’t know it.

I know mother/son and father/son and have brilliant experiences of both.

I guess there’s a bit of a sigh of relief with this news. Not because I’d have been gutted with a girl (I wouldn’t have been) but because I almost feel like I’ve got a head start with a boy.

And even though I know that’s not true, and even though nothing is going to prepare me for what’s to come, I feel a little more prepared for the arrival of my son.

…I’ve just read that last line again and freaked out…I’m ready for nothing.

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Fatherhood

RAISING A DAD – 29 August 2013

Settling In

A mix of the scan and making the news public has brought with it a sense of peace. It’s a funny feeling I haven’t had about all this since we found out we were pregnant.

We’re now I that stage where we’re pregnant enough to be pregnant but not pregnant enough to be imminently expecting the arrival…a sort of gestational waiting room.

I wonder if there’s anything to read in here.

Fatherhood

RAISING A DAD – 20 August 2013

Say ‘cheese’

We’ve decided to have a private scan this evening. Our NHS service is currently backed up and the first available appointment they have for us is in two weeks. We’re keen to get a sense that things are “okay” and to begin preparing ourselves properly for what’s ahead.

I recognise not everyone on this planet has the luxury of a scan.

I recognise that not everyone in the UK has the option to be able to pay for this privately.

I recognise the privilege of the NHS and don’t take for granted the world class medical care we receive, here in the UK, for free.

Tonight is about peace of mind. I guess primarily for my lovely wife, but also for me.

I want to know that everything is…good/safe/healthy/normal/progressing…I don’t know what the right word is.

I’m scared that it’s not whichever one of those words is right.

I’m worried that if I don’t even know which word is right, how on earth can I be ready to be a dad?

The scan helps, right?

Fatherhood

RAISING A DAD – 6 August 2013

Before I fall

We’re into week 11 and my lovely wife continues to feel the full effects of pregnancy and the changes taking place right now.

She’s an amazing lady, and despite everything is continuing to be a great friend, daughter, sister and wife to all of us.

I still feel pretty useless and so am making up for this by trying to single-handedly do every task that needs doing. The downside is that this is making my unwell wife feel like she’s not doing enough so now every task is either met with supervision called from the sofa or rather stern critique afterwards.

If I’m honest, I think we’re both suffering from pride.

I feel useless to calm the sickness or make it all better, and so my pride kicks into doing useless tasks that make me feel useful.

My wife feels useless because she’s exhausted or unwell and so her pride kicks in and I get micro-managed or harshly reviewed.

Having a baby is obviously a massive change for any parent or couple. But the reality is that in the midst of the chaos, the newness, the excitement, the nappies, the visitors, the gadgets and the rest…that beautiful new mother is still going to be that beautiful same woman who, for some odd reason, decided to become my beautiful wife.

Of that I can be proud, the other pride I’ll chuck in the bin…hopefully the right one.