RAISING A DAD – 20 February 2014 (part four)

A spare part

It’s been several hours and my incredible wife is living up to that billing.

Her pain is immense, and I feel totally helpless.

A mixture of fear and exhaustion mean I’m struggling to keep it all together.

In the midst of it all she looks at me and says “I want my mum”.

I want to tell you that I held her hand, told her everything would be okay and did all I could to help…

But I feel rejected.

Like a petulant child I begin to sulk.

Why aren’t I enough?

Doesn’t she know how much that will hurt my feelings?

I’m doing the best I can!

I say nothing…and pride myself on saying nothing like that should be praised or I should be nominated for husband of the year.

In truth – it’s pathetic!

My pride is telling me I’m not doing enough and this simple expression of pain and wanting a mother compounds it – now I know I’m not doing enough.

And so my ego kicks in and I begin to internally combust at the indignity of the perceived rejection…

Maybe I’m not ready to be a dad…


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