A spare part
It’s been several hours and my incredible wife is living up to that billing.
Her pain is immense, and I feel totally helpless.
A mixture of fear and exhaustion mean I’m struggling to keep it all together.
In the midst of it all she looks at me and says “I want my mum”.
I want to tell you that I held her hand, told her everything would be okay and did all I could to help…
But I feel rejected.
Like a petulant child I begin to sulk.
Why aren’t I enough?
Doesn’t she know how much that will hurt my feelings?
I’m doing the best I can!
I say nothing…and pride myself on saying nothing like that should be praised or I should be nominated for husband of the year.
In truth – it’s pathetic!
My pride is telling me I’m not doing enough and this simple expression of pain and wanting a mother compounds it – now I know I’m not doing enough.
And so my ego kicks in and I begin to internally combust at the indignity of the perceived rejection…
Maybe I’m not ready to be a dad…